Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
