so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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