I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
