Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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