youre lurking in front of me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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