I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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