That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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