ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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