this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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