speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
