I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
