rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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