My brain says no but my pants say off.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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