I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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