worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I could have mohawked her pubes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
