how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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