now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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