Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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