i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
