Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
