your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
