ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
