Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
