Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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