using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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