M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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