I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
