I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
