i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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