Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How does one acquire holy water?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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