none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
