Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
