I'm jealous of your bromance
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize