you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
