so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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