Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
