After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
