Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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