Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
