were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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