Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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