Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
