I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
