I'm going to jail i love you
Soap is not a condiment
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
