Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
