i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
