VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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