how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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