he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
