You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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