when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
