Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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