Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
