How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
