Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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