His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
