you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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