At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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