just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
