I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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