Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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