The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
