1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The air taste purple.
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