Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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