I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
