you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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