She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
