How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
