The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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